Home > A Closet of Inanimate VOICES, A Field of Poetic VOICES > Talkin’ to Myself ’bout Beets – by Walter Bjorkman

Talkin’ to Myself ’bout Beets – by Walter Bjorkman

Talkin’ to Myself ’bout Beets
by Walter Bjorkman

Walter says:

Harvard "Sideman" Beets at a bad gig

Someone brought up Harvard Beets yesterday,
kinda like Carlin sez
Jumbo Shrimp or Military Intelligence,

Walter says:
the lowly pedestrian source of sustenance to the poor
dressed up for a wedding
sugar to the non-tropical peons,
rough-skinned root, trying to be a flowering  ivy
probably got in on a grant

Walter says:
He met up with others in the same situation . . .
Yale Turnip
Brown Spud
Princeton Parsnip
Cornell Carrot

Walter says:
they formed an underground covel
and using their contacts in high places
the tubers & roots that had arrived 
who had took on proper names
& esteemed positions
The Dartmouth Shallot
The Wellesly Chive

Walter says:
they would secretly meet and put on some music
“Green Onions” by the MGs & Booker T.
plot against the leafy, above-ground powers that be
The esteemed and secretive
Watercress Society 

Walter says:
So they took over the Bean’s office
and held out for open emissions
which was finally adopted
and caused the need
for college level classes in
remedial rooting

Walter says:
The group disbanded and went back underground
The Harvard Beet was found ten years after
In northern New York
On a local committee for better irrigation

Walter says:
The Cornell Carrot went on
to a moderately successful career
as filler for Campbell’s Soups
We all know about Spud’s
humiliating association with Mattel
The others spend the rest of their freshness dates
hangin’ around gumbo joints
listening to Zydeco

Walter says:
There is talk of re-uniting on a concert tour
VAID Aid
“Veggies Against Irradiation Degradation”
Parsnip plays a mean gourd on their one hit

Walter says:
“The Root Of The Matter”

  1. May 29, 2010 at 2:05 am

    Overheard during the Clinton Administration

    I’m just a Bill
    Yes I’m only a Bill
    and I live up here on Capitol Hill

    No, I won’t eat all my veggies
    without a robust wine sauce
    and I saw you adding spinach
    you can just take it off

    what I really want is to smoke a pall mall
    oh i hope and pray that I will
    but today I am still just a Bill
    full of flaws

  2. May 29, 2010 at 3:19 am

    beets. my husband was appalled to find some of the sugar I had purchased came from beets not cane. He felt he had been totally ripped off, that beet could not turn into sugar. He was so wary and suspicious when I used it in his cold sweet tea.

    I’m pretty sure he slept his way through university. but he’s pretty, I’ll keep him.

  3. deepee10
    June 1, 2010 at 9:24 am

    This reminds me of Frank Zappa’s line:call any vegetable/and the chances are good/that the vegetable will respond to you! Cool, fun stuff, Walt.

  4. claireking
    June 5, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    I am freaked out by this one! Have to re-read in the morning. More rutabaga, anyone?

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